When I joined AWWP, I found a new home where I can share my words and listen to words. I found my passion for writing. I got to know this is my aim; this is my life; this is what I want.
Every week we get a topic as an idea to write about. This week my mentor sent me these questions to answer from my heart. I read them and smiled.
What is one time in your life that you felt isolated from others?
Everyday. When I go to school we get bullied by different people, we get to hear, see, and feel things that can make us commit suicide. You see the dead eyes of the wolf that wants to use you. The hands that want to touch and rape you. The throng that says nothing good, but bad words. The steps the people take in front of you to block your way. To hurt you.
When we come home, we must work and deal with family pressure. Many underage girls wed and have to raise kids. But who cares? Work is first, then study.
Live the way your parents want. All have expectations of you, who cares what you want? Who cares what you say?
How did the world look to you during this time of isolation?
Feeling is something dead in us girls. We say to ourselves if we stop feeling then we won’t get hurt. It feels like someone will stop you from breathing. They know that you have to breathe to live, to be alive. It’s like being locked in a room with no window, no way out or in.
What doubts did you have about yourself and your position in the world when you felt isolated?
That we are girls… that we are born like this. And I will die like this. I have no rights; I cannot study, play, laugh, think, eat, drink, or do anything like I want. I am afraid I will live and die as a puppet.
How did you grow because of this experience?
We grow up blindly. We live the way our parents want, whether or not we accept or dislike whatever they said. I can’t make my life decisions, even small ones, because we never had a chance to make one. I’m scared of the dark, I am scared of being alone.
Have you come to know yourself better?
I never knew myself very well; I am still confused when I choose clothes, colors, everything. I have never done anything I wanted to do. But time is the healer. When I grow up; things will be fine.
How do you feel about your community now?
It is a jungle.
By Aysha
Photo by brewbooks.